Sometimes I’m a Slacker but sometimes my slacking is mostly just in cross promoting.

So we know I haven’t been posting here super consistently… still trying to get back in the swing of things.  I swear to god I can do the thing.  I did it for five months, posting almost every day.  Depression and anxiety can wreck a person I tell you.  I did however have consistant content elsewhere that needs to migrate over here.

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In order to get myself back into the habit of blogging I am going to try and post something every day in September.  Will I succeed?  YES.  (I figure if I’m optimistic I might actually finish something I start.)  Will it all by mind blowing content… of course not.  I might choose to do something silly once … or twice. The goal is just to get myself used to doing this every day again.  To talking with you guys because I do miss it.  I just kind of panic and feel guilty.

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NO MORE!

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Starting today … oh wait its still August for a few more days.  Starting …. THURSDAY!  I will have a post for you every day, even Sunday.  You know what … what the heck STARTING TODAY!  I got no reason not to start today.  You guys ready for all of the content?  Well too bad because its coming.

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I need to put on my big girl pants and crack on.  Here we go!

P.S. I like the acronym B.E.D.S. for Blog Every Day in September because it feels safe and cozy.  What do you think?

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Mon-Thursday Musings: Moving on Up!

By that, I mean I’m moving out of my parents house.  Is it too soon? Probably.  Am I doing it anyway?  Hell yeah, I am.

Why, Michaela.  You have oodles of student loan debt, why would you do the thing you are about to do.

Well, friends, because I am incredibly fortunate to have found a super awesome stable job right out of school with above average pay for entrance level.  I have a piano teacher who has loved me since I was little who happens to own two properties and is completely willing to let me stay at one of them rent free, just paying utilities.

I have the opportunity to go out on my own, and learn how to adult, without having no money for food.  I will still be handing over weeks worth of pay to pay for my schooling, but I won’t be completely without some wiggle room with my funds.

So yes.  I am taking the plunge.

This is probably part of the reason why it is so difficult for me to get books read right now.  All of my brain power is going toward how to best save money to plan for bills and which family members are giving me their reject furniture and how long has that jar of pickles been sitting in that fridge for.

So I apologize on the somewhat lax content on the blog as of late.  Hopefully I will  have all of the creative juices flowing when I am all settled in.  There sure are plenty of spaces to film.  I don’t have to hide myself away in my bedroom. (Plus there is a super awesome library and that makes for good filming backgrounds I think).

Well, this was a bit late this week, but better late than never right?

I will be back tomorrow to talk about some book stuff, not sure what it is yet… probably a problem. :/ hmmm.

Mini Hiatus Announcement

I’m sure you guys have been floored by my ability to maintain posting so far this year at least once a week, generally four or five times a week, even up to every single day.  However, that is about to change.

Although only for a week.  Gretchen and I have decided that starting the 16th and until the 24th we will be on hiatus.

If you want to hear more we filmed a video announcement as well, although that is pretty much the gist of it.  I’m going on vacation and there are a number of events going on at the college that Gretchen is participating or volunteering at and this is on top of her hard core work schedule and writing her thesis.  The girl is cray.

 

In any case we have a few more posts to finish up this week and then it will be going dark.  Anything I get done this week will be scheduled for the future so don’t worry we will be back and perhaps even better than ever… perhaps just the same old, same old.

Monday Musing: My Anxiety Story

If you have been following me for a while you know that I have been struggling with anxiety for most of my life, but when I went to college it got so out of hand I couldn’t even go to the grocery store by myself to feed myself.

I was diagnosed officially last year with chronic anxiety and acute social anxiety (as well as ADD which can feed the other two anxieties and exacerbate them).  Several months later I started taking anti-anxiety medication and that honestly has changed my life.

I know there is a stigma around mental health in general but especially on medicating as a form of treatment for mental health.  There are people who will say that it doesn’t actually fix the problem, its just a crutch, it doesn’t help you in the long run, etc.  I have to say that honestly I felt that way for a while.  I didn’t begrudge anyone who felt they needed it but I didn’t think I needed it.

That was of course before my anxiety actually affected my life and my ability to sustain myself.  When I was living at home and in high school I could hide away in my room.  I only had to go out for school and even while there I didn’t really have to interact with anyone.  I could stick my nose in a book, even during class, and nobody would bother me because I got good grades and wasn’t distracting anyone, plus it wasn’t like I was texting.

However, when I went to college and had to start doing things for myself I couldn’t.  My anxiety would make me so ill I would actually vomit while trying to get out the door to go to class where I would have to speak.  If I needed groceries I would put it off to the very last minute and even then I would sit in my car in the parking lot sipping some tea while I waited for what I percieved as a good time to go in (which generally meant it seemed relatively quiet… it never was).

I couldn’t ignore it any more.

My life was falling apart around me and that just made it all the worse.

When I got the medication I needed I started to feel better instantly.  I could spend time outside of my room.  I could go to social functions where there was going to be a relatively large crowd.  I could go on a road trip by myself to a place I had never been before.  These were all things that I absolutely could not do without it.

Do I still have to push myself?  Yes, of course.

The medication doesn’t solve the issue it just helps manage the chemical imbalance in my brain that tells me everything and everyone is out to get me.  People seem to forget that humans are a walking talking bunch of chemicals moving around.  If those get out of wack the brain and the body stops functioning.  I do still have to push myself to go places, but at least I know I won’t have a panic attack unless things get REALLY bad.  I can handle it.  I just have to take it one step at a time.

If you are in a place where everything is terrifying and you can’t do anything but curl up in bed and wait for it to stop (which it never does) then please go talk to your doctor.  They can get you the help you need.  It isn’t shameful.  It is just a fact of life.

A year ago I couldn’t comment on youtube videos let alone make my own (on my own that is… book club was fine simply because it was just me hanging out with my friends).  I have started doing something that I wanted to do for so long and I have been able to keep up with my blog.  I have been able to read like I used to.  I am so much happier and living a much fuller life that I would never have without it.  Its worth it.  You are worth it.

Friday Musing? What It’s Like Working in a Library!

Since I’ve been working over time to fill in for Gretchen on YouTube I haven’t done a chatty Monday Musing in two weeks and have put a butt ton of book videos out on here so I’m gonna take a little break today and just talk with you guys a little bit.

I have finished my first week at my new job as a library assistant!  It was a little hectic and its still weird thinking about the fact that I have a set schedule and guaranteed income.  I have had set schedules at school but part time work doesn’t feel the same.  I didn’t realize how impermanent it felt to work a part time job until I started working at the library.  I mean I have my own desk for goodness sake.  I have never had my own desk.  What do I put in a desk guys?

In any case, my freaking out about being a real adult and stuff aside.  I wanted to talk about what it has been like for me.  I want to start off by saying that everyone is lovely.  All of my coworkers have been extremely patient and eager to help me.  The people who come in have all been very kind and patient with me as well.  It is definitely a community space, as a library should be.

I am in the circulation department so I am generally checking in and checking out books.  We are also in charge of the delivery.  All of the books that people have holds on coming in from other libraries or the books we had sent out that are being returned, as well as pulling those that need to go other places and getting them ready to go out as well.

I think the hardest part for me was memorizing all of the little things.  The certain way to do things to make sure that things go to the right places and don’t get lost.  I think that eventually it will be second nature for me, but I will continue to work on that.  I have a handful of little projects that I am in charge of as well.  The one I have been working on the most is the staff picks.

One of the highlights of this week was checking someone out and seeing that they had picked up one of the books I suggested.  It is weird to think about the fact that someone would take my word on books, even though part of what I do here is recommend things for you guys to read.  It is different than actually seeing someone pick that book up.

In the future I will also be in charge of the social media for the library but they wanted me to get a handle on the main part of my job before I started multitasking, which is fair, but that is one of the things I am most excited about.  Right now their online presence is minimal at best and I think that doing more with that might help increase the libraries overall use.

Not a lot of young people come in, and by that I don’t mean children because there are definitely a lot of little tykes, I means teens and young adults.  I think that a lot of people now a days don’t actually realize how much a library offers aside from books.  I might talk about this a little more at a later date, seeing as I am going to be working there for several years at least.  No hurry.

I hope you didn’t mind this little bit of a chatty Friday post.  I will be back tomorrow actually because we have an imbibliomancy episode happening.  Those happen live so if you want to join us we will be discussing Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel.  You should definitely come and hang out with us.

#girlgamer: What I’ve been Playing

So some of you might know that I play games and have since I was little.  When I was very young it was mostly hand held games like Pokemon but when I got my first real console the PlayStation 2 I was so ecstatic.

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I also played games on my computer and now I have my PS4 and one really shit laptop when it comes to gaming, its great for other things though so I can’t be too mad.

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That PS4 has a lot of the games I’ve been obsessed with lately.  Bloodborne being the most addicting for me.  It is also the most frustrating.  I think I have been stuck on the same two bosses for months (to be fair I haven’t played anything all that much in those months because I was reading again!).  The thing that initially drew me to Bloodborne was the world design.  You are running around this weird decrepit and twisted Victorian setting.  Everyone roaming the streets is in the process of turning into some form of beasts.  There are a few people who are still lucid and will talk to you through doors, but most just want you to leave.  There is barely any story to the game which is confusing to me because I often need a really good story to keep motivated.  One of the reasons I don’t play multiplayer games very often is that I get bored with the repetition without a story.  Yet I’m able to stay engaged with this game.  Perhaps its the challenge.  Perhaps its the mystery.  I’m not sure but I do enjoy it very much and I would recommend playing it if you ever get the chance.

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On the complete opposite side of the spectrum, Stardew Valley came out on steam and I’m in love with that.  I loved Harvest Moon for the Gamecube when I was growing up.  I have fond memories of lying on a giant bean bag chair with Batman the Animated Series or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on in the background as I ran around giving people random trash I found on the ground on a tiny little box tv/vhs player combo.  Am I dating myself here?  #90skid?  My friend laughed at me when I streamed it because I had unintentionally been playing hard mode.  I had spent a whole year of farming without increasing my backpacks capacity or upgrading any of my tools.  I was too busy doing all of the things you can do in this game.  Its as if Harvest Moon had a baby and it is brilliant.  You can make friends, you can farm, you can even go on dungeon crawls and fight monsters.  The only fault I can see is that the mechanics for fishing is the actual worst. If you are the type of person who wants a chill simulator game this is probably more your speed.

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I’m sorry this was a bit of a rushed post, I’ve been behind all week.  Dealing with stuff and I got sick on Thursday and the whole day was a wash pretty much.  I will be posting the last couple posts I’m behind on throughout the day today though and hopefully next week will be a bit better.  I have Sunday off so I will be able to pre-write a bunch of posts instead of trying to run to catch up for you guys.  I might just have to write this week off as a bust for now. :/

I GOT A JOB!

Now some of you might be saying, of course Michaela you have been going on and on about how sore your wallet is from getting a job at Barnes and Noble.

To which I say, this is true but I now have two jobs, and one of those is a real deal full time adult job.

The new job?  Library Circulation Assistant~

I will be working in a library.  You cannot comprehend how excited I am about that!

This is actually part of the reason that this post is a day late.  I am dealing with some personal issues at the moment but I went in yesterday to actually finalize a bunch of things for the library job.  All of the long boring paper work.

I still have to go in and get a drug test because I will be employed by the city and therefor I need to not have drugs in my system (laughs for days, I dont do drugs and haven’t even had a contact high … like … I have no idea what high feels like. I haven’t even been drunk really … tipsy, sure but drunk? psssshhhh).

I start there on the 21st and there is a slight chance that my blog stuff will slow down, (because even with my part time job at Barnes and Noble that I still have btw I will have like no days off) but I am going to make an effort not to drop of the face of the earth and Gretchen is gonna keep me on point for that.

So, I thought I would update you guys about that.

Also, reminders for upcoming things.

We had to push back the #imbibliomancy on Station Eleven back a week or two so you have time to read that now if you haven’t already and join us for the discussion.

Gretchen and I will also have another live discussion video coming up, we haven’t decided the theme yet but that will be happening on a Tuesday afternoon toward the end of the month!