I have been thinking a lot about how I personally feel like I shouldn’t be around people if I’m not being positive. When I get stressed out or sad, I often pull away from my friends and family until I either feel better and happier or am literally crying in bed and need someone to talk to so that I don’t keep crying infinitely.
I have this idea that even when I’m happy, I’m a bit of an annoying friend. Which everyone I’m friends with denies, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling this way. In particular though, I feel like if I’m not upbeat and contributing positive vibes to the friendship, I’m just acting as a buzzkill or a fun suck or some other negative black hole.
I don’t think this is really the case. We should be able to talk with friends when we are feeling down, because they often have some of the best tools in cheering is up. I needed to examine why I felt the way I did about negative emotions.
I think that watching Wiebke’s video on the topic, helped me shuffle around some of my thoughts on the subject. She mentioned that we are often told to “not hang around with negative people”. I was told this. It is often mentioned as a mechanism for keeping yourself sane. While I think it is meant to mean, don’t hang around people who make you feel negatively about yourself. It is generally used to just not hang around people who have bad outlooks on life, are sad or angry all the time, or complain too much. She mentions that its okay for things to be shit. We don’t have to like everything constantly.
Before hearing that I had taken this phrase and internalized it so much, that I feel I must be chipper and positive 100% of the time but now I don’t think that would actually be healthy. If we were always happy there would be no frame of reference, everything would become quite boring. The highs are only highs when we compare them to the lows. We need growth to show accomplishment. When everything is positive we can’t feel accomplished.
In a weird way I also rejected this idea when it came to learning. I know so many people who aren’t willing to learn a new language, or work on their art skills because they aren’t good at it. Of course you aren’t good at it, you need to learn and practice. Even if other people are so much better than you, I’m sure those people that you feel are so accomplished can pull out some of their old drawings, or workbooks to show you that they had to start somewhere. They look at the old and can see their growth.
When asked why I chose English as a degree despite getting a perfect score in Math on my SATs I said because Math is easy. English is more difficult. It is more subjective. On top of always loving reading. I would be bored in a math degree because I understand it so quickly. There is no challenge there.
We need lows to work out of. I need to learn that having a bad mood or being upset isn’t a thing to be ashamed of. They help me grow. They might help my friends and I become closer. Calling my mom will not be bothering her, in fact she will probably enjoy talking to me.
We don’t need to be positive 100% of the time. We need to be well rounded human beings. Otherwise we are just robots, and that’s no fun.
I hope you guys are fairing better. I move back to school this weekend. That may cause me to fall into hibernation mode, but I’m hoping it doesn’t. Writing these blog posts makes me happy. I like sharing with you guys. I will do my best to keep going and maintain a routine. It is probably better for me in the long run anyway.
Talk to you on Wednesday about some comic books stuff! Also Tuesday is the last episode of our #diversesummer with Bibliomancy. We will be discussing Skin Trade by Laurell K. Hamilton. You should join us for that.