There are so many things that I want to do.
Like honestly SO MANY.
I want to travel, and read ALL THE BOOKS, and get good grades in school, and not have stupid anxiety that makes me terrified of people, and write stuff, and paint stuff, and make videos.
I want to be a good person. I am a good person.
The things that I often get in my own way at, are things that I could do just like I succeeded in being a good person. Being a good person is not something that just happens. Everyday I make the decision to be kind and courteous. I make the decision not to snap at people even if I’m having a bad day or to apologize when I realize that I did snap … just little … itty bitty … teensy weensy tiny bit.
I made the decision to be and act that way and the same way that I wake up every morning and make that decision I need to make the decision to stop getting in my own way.
If I want to make videos I need to sit down and make videos. I already do the blogging thing. I just need to write a blog post and then say it out loud to my camera. How hard is that? Not hard. I just make excuses not to.
I want to read ALL THE BOOKS. I read ALL THE BOOKS. I have to make time to do that and commit to it. I can’t always read through the night. Even if it does give me some sort of euphoric book high. I might just have to read for half an hour before bed to unwind.
I want to get good grades in school. I need to set aside the time every day to study, do my homework, commit to going to class. These aren’t hard things. I’ve been doing them for years. I just need to make sure to not let the other aspects of my life over shadow my education.
I want to travel. I can do that. Maybe not right now, but someday. I just have to make it a priority. Rather than buying that cookie late at night to ease my heart ache perhaps I should try writing and put that five dollars in my savings account toward a plane ticket to Seoul.
All of the things I want to do, are attainable.
My anxiety likes to tell me that I can’t fail if I don’t try. Everything will be fine if I just curl up in bed and NEVER LEAVE.
The problem with that, is that I am failing by not trying.
I need to try more. Because try leads to do and do leads to succeed.
That was super sappy and gross, but its what I’ve been thinking about recently. I need to accept that laying in my bed is not the answer to my problems. I have the tools necessary to solve them. I just have to let myself do them.
Are you guys excited for the coming semester?
I am so nervous it hurts. This worries me slightly, but I know that I will be close to friends who can help if I slip up.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you get in your own way?
If not can you lend me your mental machete so I can clear my own path? (I realize this metaphor just twisted so that I am now murdering myself … the part of me that loves to learn from dead things is okay with this … the part of me that is a literature nerd is also okay with this because death is a powerful literary tool … it would appear I am okay with this … as you were)